


Out of Reach

by Alys_Brauer



Series: Spones Prompt Fills [4]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love, prompt fills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 23:09:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8227939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alys_Brauer/pseuds/Alys_Brauer
Summary: A prompt fill for my tumblr account mckirkishPrompt:  Could you write something angsty about Bones having a (unrequited?) crush on Spock while seeing him with Uhura all the time please?He’s always been certain what he feels for Spock in any given moment. Irritation; exasperation; disbelief; hate; and sometimes, yeah he’ll admit it, respect. But Love?





	

It’s surprisingly easy to mistake love for loathing.  

Oh he’s heard all the old sayings, but no one much pays attention to those nowadays. Thing is, Leonard’s been in love, he’s been head over heels, completely, deeply, and even madly, in love. Yeah sure, it didn’t work out too well for him, but he  _knows_  what it feels like to be in love.

So you would think he’d notice when it happens to him a second time.

He’s always been certain what he feels for Spock in any given moment. Irritation; exasperation; disbelief; hate; and sometimes, yeah he’ll admit it, respect. But Love?

Who could love a heartless machine that embraces only logic?

Only, Spock insists on throwing a wrench in everything, because that’s just who he is: a contrary, green-blooded bastard. What he’s not though, is heartless; and that’s a revelation in itself.

Oh, he tries. Spock tries to be completely Vulcan, but the human part of him always manages to slip through. Sometimes it’s subtle - a small joke or quip, a worried or concerned comment - but other times it’s so heartbreakingly obvious that it literally steals Leonard’s breath away. It’s that inconsistency, unpredictability, that has Leonard alternately gritting his teeth or watching Spock closely that’s allowed things to happen this way.

It starts slowly. That first mission on the  _Enterprise_ , he’d been all set to hate Spock. The man had marooned his best friend, the best hope for Earth, on an ice planet and then had proceeded to sass Leonard when he’d tried to point out that things didn’t always have to follow the straight line of logic. He was more than ready, he  _did_  resent Spock, until Jim had broken him.

That’s definitely when it started, that admission, the look in his eyes as he informed Leonard that he was resigning his commission as captain- Leonard’s heart had done a little flip. Seeing Nyota going after Spock though, the way that she looked at him, the way he practically sagged into her arms as the turbolift doors closed… his chest squeezed uncomfortably at that. Which made absolutely no sense, and Leonard concluded that his unease was easily explained by the fact that they’re hurtling through space to their very probable deaths.

From that moment on it builds. It builds on the small things. The banter and arguments. The challenge to his very way of thinking, that he can’t possibly back down from. It builds on the mutual, silent understanding that passes through them in those moments, and the dawning realization that Leonard feels just as protective of Spock as he does of Jim.

He comes to realize what’s actually happening to him when he notices that he turns his body away whenever Nyota and Spock are together. In the way he always finds somewhere else to look, something else to do, somewhere else to be so he doesn’t have to see the way that Spock looks at Nyota. So he doesn’t have to acknowledge just how  _human_  she makes him.

There are gentle touches, seemingly absent, but all the more intimate because of it. The way they look at each other, the way that Spock looks at Nyota, even when, especially when, she’s not looking at him, makes Leonard’s heart squeeze painfully and makes him think, for a moment, that he might be having a heart attack.

Until he realizes just how ridiculous that is, and he’s forced to acknowledge that what he’s feeling in those moments is jealousy.

He knows what Spock would say, that it’s illogical for Leonard to be jealous over something he never had, and knows he never will. But there’s the problem right there, logic doesn’t work well with emotions, and by this point Leonard is too far gone for there to be any hope for him.

There’s a moment, a brief, shining moment on Altamid when Leonard thinks he might be able to say something. They’re on the rock, Spock and Nyota, Christine has let slip to Leonard that this time Nyota is planning on ending it for good. It’s the chance he never thought he’d have.

So when they’re there, stranded, and almost certainly going to die, Leonard almost says it. He almost comes clean and tells Spock how he feels, how he’s always felt. But just when he’s about to open his mouth, Spock does that thing, the thing where he’s so very human that Leonard can’t help but stare in awe.

Spock opens up to Leonard, tells him about Ambassador Spock, about his duties. Leonard realizes that it’s not that Spock doesn’t still love Nyota, he does, but he’s decided to let her go because of duty.

And isn’t that something; being taught about love by a Vulcan of all things?

He keeps his thoughts to himself. He swallows his feelings and decides it’s probably for the best that it’s turned out this way. In the end, all that Leonard wants is for Spock to be happy, to be able to experience love in a wholly human way. And it’s clear, heartbreakingly so, that Nyota does that for Spock, and Leonard can’t match up to that.

Leonard may not be able to let his feelings for Spock go, but he can certainly not burden him with them. He may be doomed, but if there’s one thing that Leonard has learned in his life, it’s how to suffer in silence and let those he loves find their happiness where they will.

 


End file.
